


Lackadaisical - Picnic Massacre

by cutsycat



Series: Dictionary.Com Word of the Day Drabbles [1363]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Fluff and Crack, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-09 21:55:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20517041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cutsycat/pseuds/cutsycat
Summary: Tony makes the mistake of going for a run in Rock Creek Park. He really should know better, shouldn't he? Nothing could have prepared him for what he finds, however.





	Lackadaisical - Picnic Massacre

**Author's Note:**

> Another dictionary.com word of the day drabble. This time from 01/23/2003 for the word [lackadaisical](http://www.dictionary.com/wordoftheday/2003/01/23/lackadaisical).
> 
> lackadaisical[ lak-uh-dey-zi-kuhl ]  
adjective  
without interest, vigor, or determination; listless; lethargic:  
a lackadaisical attempt.  
lazy; indolent:  
a lackadaisical fellow.
> 
> This is for Prompt #1 of the April 2019 Five Prompts Challenge located [here](https://ncis-discuss.livejournal.com/192065.html).
> 
> Warning: I am not responsible for any brain breakage resulting from reading this fic.

Tony frowned at the scene in front of him. Most crime scenes very rarely made him want to not do something, but this one was different. This looked like a picnic massacre. 

The worst part? The stuff that looked like blood was actually purple. Why the hell was purple blood a thing? On top of that this wasn’t even a crime scene that he’d been called out to for NCIS purposes; he’d just stumbled across it when he was going for a run in Rock Creek Park.

There were dolls and teddy bears for sure, all covered in purple… something… Tony wasn’t sure if any actual humans were involved in the current disaster, but he knew one thing. There was a lackadaisical fellow or gal somewhere who had left without bothering to clean up their mess.

It didn’t look like there were actually any humans, but he couldn’t be sure. There was a mess of purple, he hoped it was jam, that successfully hid everything underneath it so he couldn’t actually tell what that pile of purple was. It definitely made him rethink his picnics are romantic belief. 

This was not romantic in the slightest. In fact, it was disturbing on a level he couldn’t even begin to comprehend. Who would do this? Why would anyone do this?

He knew children made messes, but this was a level beyond anything he’d ever seen before. Something far more complicated than a mere child could make. He really didn’t know what to make of this and he really wished he understood the reason behind this method.

He texted Gibbs, “Picnics aren’t romantic.”

Gibbs blinked at the rather strange text he received from his partner. “So you do or don’t want to go on a picnic?”

“I’m at a picnic. It’s disturbing as hell.”

“Do you want me to join you?”

“No. I’m disturbed enough for the both of us.”

“Hey, mister. What are you doing?” A small childlike voice asked, interrupting his text conversation with Gibbs.

“I’m trying to figure out what to do about this mess.”

“Mess? You mean you don’t see the lovely pattern?”

“Pattern?”

“Yep. I think it’s a message from the aliens.”

Tony’s brow wrinkled and he glanced down at the child to see if he was being serious. “Aliens don’t exist, bud.”

“Oh, yes, they do. I’ve met them.”

Tony texted Gibbs, “On second thought, maybe you should join me here. There’s something weird going on.” To the child, he asked, “What do you mean you’ve met them?”

“Oh. They’re all over the place. They seem to prefer purple patterns like that one over there.” The kid pointed to a guy wearing a purple checkered shirt.

The guy looked like a normal business man to Tony. “How do you know he’s an alien?”

“It’s the purple in a pattern. Plus, he told me. Come on, I’ll introduce you.”

Tony had a bad feeling about this, but the kid had already grabbed his hand and started dragging him over to the guy in the purple shirt.

“Hello?” Tony tried to look as innocent as possible as the kid stopped in front of the other man.

The guy ignored him, addressing the kid, “You think he’s the one?”

“I’m pretty sure I’m not.”

“He stared at the message for a long time.”

The guy nodded to the kid and turned his attention to Tony. “I guess you’ll do. You do have the build they like.”

“Whoa! Wait a minute here. What’s going on?”

“We’re taking you back to the mothership.” The child happily announced.

The man nodded and grabbed Tony’s arm to lead him away.

“Hey! Wait! I didn’t agree to this,” Tony protested, twisting and fighting to get away, but the man had a surprisingly strong grip and he couldn’t escape.

Tony had no idea where they were going, but unless he wanted to hurt himself he was going with them. He really wished Gibbs were here now. ”Gibbs?” Tony gasped out in surprise as he spotted him.

“Hey Tony.”

“What are you doing here?”

“It’s time for you to meet my family.”

“What?” Tony’s eyes grew wide as he noticed the color of Gibbs’ shirt. “Shit. Are you an alien too?”

A young female's giggles filled the air. “Mommy, he’s so silly.”

“That he is, Kelly. Probably, why Daddy likes him so much.”

Tony looked between Gibbs, the small girl, the boy, the man in the checkered shirt, and the adult red head in confusion. “What’s going on here?”

Gibbs shot Tony one of his heartfelt smiles that always made Tony feel warmed from the inside out, though this time, he couldn’t help a feeling of trepidation as well. “Relax, Tony. This is my ex wife, Shannon, our daughter Kelly and her new husband, Rick, and his boy, Justin.”

“And the purple patterned aliens?” 

Justin started guffawing. “You actually believed that, mister? You said it yourself. There’s no such thing as aliens.”

“His name is Tony, Justin.” Rick interrupted.

“Then what’s the deal with the purple picnic disaster?”

”Oh well. We were waiting for you,” Shannon started.

Gibbs interrupted, “I was going to call you and invite you to meet in the park, so that I could introduce them to you, but you stumbled across the picnic before I could and then Rick and Justin” Gibbs shot them a dark look, “decided to play a prank on you.”

Tony shook his head and ran a hand down his face. “So let me get this straight. This is Shannon and Kelly,” Tony pointed to the two females, “ your ex wife and child who everyone thinks is dead?”

Gibbs shrugged a bit sheepishly.

“Oh, Jethro. Are you still telling people that?” Shannon scolded. She turned to Tony, “We’re not dead, sweetie. We were just in witness protection for a while.”

”Ok…” Tony drawled, looking around at everyone like they were insane. “This still doesn’t explain the picnic scene.”

“Oh that,” Shannon waved her hand dismissively. “Justin and Kelly were playing and it got a little out of hand.”

Tony glanced between the two children who looked clean as a whistle and back towards the picnic. “The children made that mess?” he asked in disbelief.

“Yes. We just finished cleaning them up and were going to start on cleaning the picnic up when you spotted it.”

This was all a bit too much for Tony and he shot pleading eyes at Gibbs to make it all go away or be a figment of his imagination. 

“I think this is a bit of a shock to Tony. I better take him home. Maybe we can meet properly tomorrow after he’s recovered?”

“Of course,” Shannon agreed.

With that settled, Gibbs put his arm around Tony and led him home.

“Did that really just happen?” Tony murmured once they were far enough away to not be overheard.

“Yes, but don’t worry about it for now. I’ll introduce you properly, tomorrow.”

Tony whimpered at that thought. He still wasn’t convinced this wasn’t all some horrible nightmare.

**Author's Note:**

> The dictionary.com series has 1 story already written for it after this one, so I will be posting at least 1 more story before I stop posting again. I'm hoping to get more stories written before then, so that I don't stop posting for a while. Wish me luck! 
> 
> It's 2019 now and I have closed my 2018 Prompt collection, but fear not my 2019 Prompt Collection is now open [here](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/cutsycat_NCIS_Prompts_2019/profile). Just click the sign up link. ;) It will remain open until the beginning of 2020. I'm hoping to complete all the 2019 prompts by the end of 2020. Do not fear I have not forgotten about the 2018 prompts and will continue working through them. It's just easier for me to not get overwhelmed if I keep the prompts separated by the year they were given to me.
> 
> If you are not an ao3 member, you can prompt me [here](http://cutsycat.livejournal.com/50701.html). Please follow the same rules as are listed in the above link. However, because this is a handmade prompt form(that thinks it's a poll), it is considerably more limited than what ao3 provides, so please use the ao3 form if you're an ao3 member. Please note the name option is for a name that I can say this is for so that you know it's for you. Since this is for non ao3 members it won't be true gifts, but you will be mentioned in the notes. Please note if you have already voted in the poll and would like to request more stories you can just add a comment to the poll. Please include the name along with the prompt, so that I can appropriately gift the prompt to you.
> 
> For any authors that want to chat and/or are looking for a place where they can toss plot ideas around and get input from people, you can come join my discord server that is specifically geared towards writing/encouraging people to write and authors. The invite link is [here](https://discord.gg/HFvwpCq). If you're not an author, but want to chat with me about writing/stories or anything else you are welcome to join. I reserve the right to boot you from my server if all you do is pester me about updates, however. *grin* Really anyone who wants to talk about writing and/or plot ideas for various stories is welcome to join. 
> 
> Also, Drakonyashka has translated a couple of my works into Russian. [Tutelage](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12378780) and [Imbue](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12378840). Go support them. 


End file.
